Today I thought it would be nice to write Joe Mozian a thank you letter for letting me audition on his show "My Life is a Sitcom". Here is my letter:
Dear Joe,
All of the beautiful young ladies from LA that coached us in the hall on how to behave before our audition with you had a number of good tips that I thought you would appreciate:
1. Ssssssh
2. Be quiet
3. This is a comedy show, be funny!
4. Talk loudly!
5. Be quiet
6. Give him shit, right back, you guys are here because you”™re loud.
7. Be quiet.
8. You”™ll have to wait while he auditions Ben Franklin.
9. Ssssssh.
You might remember me: I am the one of the non-actors that is unemployed and selling all his family”™s old stuff on eBay. I know my family only has my best interest in mind, but, my dining room is filled with everybody”™s junk! My daughter brought me all of her beany babies to sell, there must be hundreds, and she wants to make a million dollars. My father sent me fishing reels. My mom keeps bringing me nasty, dusty old books. My wife keeps telling me to bring things up from the basement and sell it. Now, I have a full time job sending everybody”™s trash all over the world. This is not the job I wanted.
You asked me a good question during the audition which I did not have a good answer for. I have thought about what I should have said (as you always do), so I thought I would write you an email to tell you my answer.
Here is your question: “So Ralph, what is wrong with kids today?”
My answer, after some thought is (in an especially cranky voice): "Don”™t get me started, Joe, these kids today are too noisy. They”™re loud. I dunno, you guys played outside, you weren”™t that noisy. Today they walk louder, I think, they talk louder, their games are loud, Joe, ...tell them to turn it down! I”™m worried about these kids. They're fast too; kids are much faster today, and they are always hanging around. Ya know. They are always around. Why aren”™t they in school?"
Good answer? So Joe, HIRE ME!
Best regards,
Ralph
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